Paper Bags and Plastic Hearts
by Tardis Blue Assassin
Summary: A spin off from my first story I Blame You , this is the continuation of Jimmy and Ryan's story. Lets hope we can make this journey together. Rimmy,Rylu and Jiue. BoyXBoy warning, Self-Harm in later chapter. I am on HIATUS WITH THIS STORY- SORRY
1. Chapter 1

**READ (I BLAME YOU) for a background story, but please welcome one the best pairings ever. Jimmy and Ryan, RIMMY ****, there is also Rylu and Jiue.**

_Jimmy had been dating True for two months. He had everything he wanted, a great job, a hot girlfriend, a best friend. What more could he want? What more could a guy wish for in a world that sometimes people never even got to see a scrap of bread? He was being selfish maybe, no he defiantly was, there was one thing that Jimmy wanted more than anything else in the world. Ryan._

Jimmy sat in a restaurant looking at the menu as True went to the bathroom to gussy herself up as she called it. He kept telling her she looked fine as she was but she just wouldn't believe him. He sighed flipping through the menu about three times before he gave up. He always let True pick out his meal because he could never decide on one thing. It appeared he struggled with this in all aspects of his life. It had been two months almost three now sense he started dating True under the strangest circumstances. He had had a more or less romantic encounter with his now best friend Ryan.

True and Lulu had walked in on them and to make it worse Jimmy didn't know how he felt about Ryan and just followed suite when True made the decision to go out with him on the basis of that she liked him he apparently liked her and they should just forget about what happened all together. The problem was Jimmy couldn't forget. He could still remember Ryan's taste, his sound, every place he had bitten him.

Sometimes he could barely look at Ryan when they went on double dates with True and Lulu. Yea that's right Ryan was dating Lulu, to make things even worse than they already were. He didn't have time to think more about his dilemma as True came skipping back sitting next to him and crushing the side of his face with a kiss. Not that he didn't enjoy it, he had done plenty with True in the past few weeks, but it wasn't the same feeling that Ryan had given him and he wanted so badly to find it again. Jimmy blinked as True started talking to him in her usual chipper voice he tried to focus he really did but his mind was somewhere else and he barely noticed the food being served ten minutes later.

"Jimmy are you okay?" True asked taking notice of her boyfriend's distant thoughts. "Yea…just fine." Jimmy didn't mean to say it in a snappy attitude but he did and he winced when True withdrew her hands from him and went to eating without saying anything. He sighed and looked at her."I am sorry I just haven't been feeling well lately." He lied, well mentally he didn't feel well but she'd take it as physically and probably worry herself into a coma.

"Oh Jimmy then why'd you come! I told you didn't always have to take me out Friday." Every Friday, that's right every Friday True had Jimmy take her to some place to eat or do something special as she said it. Every so often Ryan and Lulu would come along and that was torture on Jimmy to watch Ryan laughing and snuggling up to Lulu like a love sick puppy. It was as if he'd forgotten that he'd made Jimmy cry out, made him sigh, and even made him cry. Jimmy had cried two weeks in his relationship with True while he was alone waiting for her to come downstairs, he had treated it as allergies but he knew that it wasn't allergies at all.

"True I always take you out Fridays I am not breaking my promise now." Jimmy replied lightly forcing a charming smile onto his face. She seem to take this and returned to her normal happy self as she chewed down on some kind of seafood. Jimmy looked down at his plate and saw that she had ordered him some fancy looking corn dogs, if it was possible to make corn dogs make fancy that is.

He loved corndogs for a simple reason; it was Ryan's favorite food. He poked one with a skinny fork that should have been used for desert and stuffed one of the small one the size of his pinky into his mouth. He sighed through his nose and looked across the place and found that most of the couples in the place had to be over a hundred years old, which explained the cheesy classical music.

However True liked these kinds of places and he kindly obliged. He would rather be in a place where music is causing people to slowly lose their hearing. Where people go into back rooms and aren't seen again until the strobe lights turn off. Where everything just mixes together and everything for one single moment looks like it isn't going to suck. As he pictured this in his mind he found himself wandering into forbidden territory.

_Ryan was there and he was laughing and had a giant cup bigger than his head filled with sparkling cherry juice and pomegranate. He was saying something about how they should play "Hoedown Throw down" and how he'd be right out there tearing up the dance floor. Jimmy found himself staring himself in the face as his dream self laughed at Ryan's apparent comment. He found himself laughing at this image, because honestly he probably would have laughed at this. Ryan shifted putting the glass down on a chair and grabbing Jimmy's hand taking him past dancers and people passed out from too much excitement. Ryan took him to a back room where he shut the door and began covering him with kisses and whispering things that made Jimmy blush. Soon their clothes would be off, still kissing each other finding new ways to make the other cry out. _

Jimmy's trance was broken when True bumped him saying he needed to pay for the food. He took out his wallet putting his credit card down and sighing lightly as he slowly went through the motions of engaging in conversation. It wasn't that True bored him or anything it was just that he had too much on his mind or really just one thing on his mind. He wanted Ryan. He came to this conclusion about a week ago when true wanted to take it to the next level.

That level being letting, him see her without a shirt. She was certainly beautiful, that wasn't even an argument, but she didn't excitement him like Ryan had, and he had been trying to fight it. He thought he just needed to flush Ryan from his mind but it was becoming ungodly impossible. He had been developing the habit of inviting True over to his house with Lulu and Ryan, while True and Lulu jabbed about clothes and gossip Jimmy and he would play video games or discuss the latest wrestling matches.

Sometimes Ryan's hand would stray t Jimmy's but for only a moments as if it was an accident and a lot of the time Jimmy believed it probably was. Then Lulu and Ryan would leave and True would want to talk to Jimmy about things and then they'd start making out or watch a movie. It never go further than the couch of course, Jimmy wasn't sure he could handle that and True wasn't a slut either. True obviously was fed up with his constant fading out and after their date she told him that he needed to get over whatever was ailing him and then come and tell her that he loved her like he was suppose to. Yes they had already said the three deadly words.

He had regretted it when he had said it knowing well that he didn't truly love True. _Or at least not like he loved Ryan_. Ryan was totally different, Ryan was, Ryan was his other half of the puzzle, Ryan was the thing that kept Jimmy awake at night as he ran through his mind like firecrackers. He sighed inwardly berating himself as he drove into his apartment's driveway. He had dropped True off and now he felt like a complete dick. He had hardly paid attention to her at all, he was being so selfish. He got out of his car dragging himself up the flights of stairs till he reached his apartment room. He opened the door and slunk in closing the door behind him with a quiet click. He needed to fix this before he did something stupid really stupid.

The voice, that beautiful, sweet, seductive voice broke him out his trance as he was shocked to hear it as he was thinking about it just then.

"Hey Jim…" Ryan's voice, Oh how Jimmy loved it. But why was he here, and how the hell did he get in. Oh wait Jimmy had given him a key."Listen don't be startled I just needed a breather, Lulu has been hounding me about seeing her parents and I really really really don't wanna." Jimmy face broke out into a smile as he began to laugh at Ryan's fake pained face.

"It's alright Ry, you just scared the hell out of me." Jimmy replied sitting down as Ryan sat on the couch.

"So…how you been?" Its true really, that they hadn't actually talked sense, well, back then. Jimmy had missed so much and now he just wanted to lie back and see what kind of pain Ryan had been through, ad be able to laugh with him if that was at all possible. "Oh well see, I have been really good, I think." Ryan replied obviously not sure what to say. Jimmy nodded as the silence invaded the space with an overwhelming force. He didn't want it to be like this, it was suppose to be easy for them! Why was it so hard, why couldn't they just talk to each other? He hated this more then he could even imagine. Fate was dragging him into the very nightmare he tried to stay out of. He was losing the only person he loved.

It's goodbye  
But we got one more night  
Let's get drunk and ride around  
And make peace with an empty town

**WHOA…okay so, like…I like this, this is good, ****REVIEW FOR MORE CHAPPIES.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well here's the apple pie to your milk. The second chapter is here and OMG, I think I need to eat something….like….soup…preferably Broccoli. **

_Ryan looked at Jimmy wondering what to say. To be honest his life hadn't been that grand. It had been dreadfully awful actually. It wasn't that he didn't love Lulu; no it wasn't that it was just that he loved another as well. Though Ryan didn't think the other share the same feelings, after all True was the perfect one to love the mail room boy. As the silence loomed on Ryan shifted uncomfortably and wondered if Jimmy was going to say something. This is what always happened when they spoke to each other. It was like talking on the phone, all the intimacy, friendship, excitement, it wasn't really all there and personal._

"So how's Lulu?" Jimmy finally rustled something up out of his head to say.

"She's fine…she really wants her parents to meet me. She said they'd love me." Ryan answered somewhat hesitantly as if talking about Lulu set him on edge. "Why don't you want to meet her parents?" This was a logical question. Most guys did want to meet the parents it was just a dreadful task. "Because I'll probably embarrass myself" Ryan admitted.

"You embarrass yourself? But that's what your all about, that's what makes you, you." Jimmy protested as if he wouldn't even put up with Ryan bashing himself. "Her parents are proper people though, and so…I am not very proper at all." "

Maybe I can help you; you could like learn to say things to questions I ask you." Jimmy offered."I could pretend to be her parents."

"Oh that's a great idea!" Ryan suddenly became very ecstatic wondering why he hadn't thought of this before."Alright shoot the questions at me." Ryan said getting onto his knees and sitting into the couch facing Jimmy.

"Alright…uh..Hello, I am Mr. Lulu's Father, who are you lad?" Jimmy said very stiffly doing his best not to start laughing at himself. "R-Ryan Lazerbeam s-sir" Jimmy sighed and moved closer.

"You're stuttering and we haven't even gotten past the hellos" Jimmy teased lightly taking pity on the poor boy."Nice to meet you Ryan, so tell me, how do you feel about my daughter?' This was something that even Jimmy wanted to know, how did Ryan feel about his forced on girlfriend? Did he love her, or only kind of like her? How would he know if he was lying though?

"Oh sir I…er..- Ryan hesitated not sure what to say, he was really imagining that he was talking to lulu's father. He was running through the thoughts in his head and realized that he loved more than just her, and he loved her like a candy bar or a marshmallow not as someone he'd marry or anything.

"Sir…I don't know how I feel about your daughter." Ryan replied absentmindedly. When he focused back on Jimmy he could tell he was accepting a answer.

"Sir?" Ryan asked figuring he could do some questions as well.

"Yes?" Jimmy said a bit to quickly wondering what Ryan was up to. "Can you keep a secret Mr. Lulu's father?" Ryan asked quietly leaning close. Jimmy blinked his face flushing as he looked away from Ryan's gaze. "Of course I can." Jimmy finally responded following the wall until he met Ryan's eyes again. "Well there's this other person…and things are complicated." Ryan continued softly coming closer his arm resting on the back of the couch.

"It seems I can't get them out of my head. I don't want to hurt your daughter or anything but…I really care about this other person." Jimmy blinked opening his mouth to respond but Ryan leaned in closer pressed his lips to Jimmy's chin then to his mouth. Jimmy eyes fluttered shut trying to enjoy everything that he was experiencing knowing it wouldn't last. He was right after just a few seconds Ryan pulled away moving off the couch and standing. "Thanks for trying to help Jimmy." Ryan said as he opened the door to go. He looked over his shoulder looking like he was about to cry."I don't think I can do this again…so…bye." He left and Jimmy got up to stop him but he as to late as the door closed silently. "Don't go..."Jimmy whispered to himself. He turned as he pressed his fingers to his lips withholding a sob. He couldn't cry, he wouldn't cry. He moved forward willingly his feet to move as he headed for the bathroom. He shut the door quietly and turned on the shower testing the water. He needed a hot shower, a really hot shower. That's all he needed right now.

:) Froggy & Panda :)

_Ryan sighed as he walked along the side walk. His lips still tingled as he slowly began to have of battle of wills with his mind. How badly he wanted to turn back and prove his love to Jimmy. He wanted to go to lulu and end it all and go running to find Jimmy to tell him to do the same. But he would never do that to Jimmy, Jimmy was happy he loved True, Ryan could see that. With as much courage as he could muster he made himself go to Lulu's house and knocked on the door into his own personal hell. _

Jimmy stepped out of the shower looking at his image in the mirror. Water dripped from his dark hair now turned black from being soaked to the scalp. He sighed lightly and grabbed a towel wrapping It around his waist and opening the door into the hallway.

Steam rolled out in billows reminding of him how hot he had actually had the water. He probably had a burn somewhere but he didn't really care, hot water calmed his body and made him feel relaxed. He shifted to his bedroom and picked out some boring black sweat pants and boxers. He put them on rather quickly as his skin began to rapidly cool down. He looked at all the shirts he could wear and sighed wondering what to wear. He never had this problem before but Ryan had seriously messed up his train of thought.

He finally took out a fleecy button down colored a dark purple throwing it around his shoulders sticking his arms through but not bothering to button it. He made his way to the kitchen grabbing a carton of his orange juice out of the fridge. He took out his Iphone from the drawer turning it on. The warning that he had missed three calls popped and he groaned knowing they were from True.

He listened to the voicemails and figured he could call her later because all she seemed to be doing was checking up on him. He sighed lightly and lifted his phone at an angle making a semi tough face and took a picture planning on using it as his face book picture or maybe twitter. Not that he was on either of those very often. He brought the phone back down examining the picture. He didn't really know if he was good looking or not. True said he was and He figured he'd take her word for it. But he always felt like maybe he was ugly or at least not very attractive. He sighed and went into his email attaching the photo and putting a contact in the line and typing _what do you think?_ He pressed send and didn't realize who'd he sent it to before it was to late. He had meant to send it to True. But that little email was whisking its self away to someone else entirely.

_Ryan was in full conversation, or really he was listening to a conversation between Lulu's father and herself when his phone buzzed. He took it out wondering who could possibly be texting him at a time like this. He saw it was from jimmy and his heart jumped, why would Jimmy text him especially after what just happened. Ryan opened the message and his face flushed seeing the picture. Jimmy looked perfect with his hair plastered on his head and his muscles showing fully from under the open buttoned down. His face was set in such a sexy smirk Ryan almost smirked back, but he was in the presence of others and he knew he couldn't do that. He carefully texted something back before lulu caught his attention as he pressed the send button. _

Jimmy looked at its phone as it was evil when it suddenly vibrated in his hand. He saw it was a reply from Ryan and he wondered what Ryan could have said. As he opened the text his heart skipped a beat as he smiled.

_You look amazing :). _Jimmy had to text back, he couldn't just leaved it open like this. That was just and excuse of course he just really wanted to talk to Ryan.

_Jimmy: Really? I thought I looked like a hobo_

_Ryan: Well if that's a hobo, that's a rly hot hobo_

_Jimmy: where r u right nw?_

_Ryan: Lulu's_

_Jimmy: oh am I interrutin_

_Ryan: No she's talking to her dad in Chinese or whatever it is, he's laughing a lot so I think that's a good thing._

_Jimmy: Cn I ask something?_

_Ryan: Yea_

_Jimmy: Why'd you kiss me?_

It was a couple minutes before Jimmy got a reply and he began to worry that he should say something like never mind don't answer that or something along the lines that he didn't mean to ask that question. But soon his phone vibrated it and he snatched for it almost dropping the thing. _Ryan: I just did._

_Jimmy: that doesn't answ my q._

_Ryan: ! 70^3 400_

_Jimmy: Windings aren't an option ryan._

_Ryan: I love you._

Jimmy sat in shock as he read the three lines that spread across his Iphone's screen. This wasn't some encrypted message; this wasn't something random and stupid. Ryan had texted something Jimmy thought he'd never see. Ryan loved him? H really loved him? His phone vibrated again taking him from his thoughts.

_Ryan: gtg Lulu needs me. SYSL_

Jimmy tried to reply but he found that Ryan must have switched his phone off and now he sat staring at a message he didn't quite understand. What did SYSL mean and did it have to do with what Ryan had said before? What could it mean and why was Jimmy shaking so badly? Ryan loved him! He couldn't even remember to breath as he sat there staring at his phone. Ryan actually loved him. But Jimmy's gleefulness sank as he realized even though he knew that, there was nothing he could do about it, he couldn't just break up with True and Ryan couldn't just leave Lulu. They couldn't cheat on them either. Ryan had kissed him out of weakness, and he was probably saying all this because he was just as confused as Ryan was. They had split apart in strange circumstances and now they didn't know how they felt about each other. Jimmy knew that as well as anyone. He used his phone and began to txt something long and drawn out as he slowly began to understand how stupid he was being he couldn't let Ryan start this. He couldn't let Ryan risk his happiness with lulu over him. He pressed send slamming his phone on the coffee table knowing Ryan would get it later.

_Ryan finally pried Lulu's family off him as he went home getting ready to do his piles of homework. He grabbed for his phone turning it on remembering it was off. It suddenly vibrated and he blinked wondering what txt he had missed._

_Jimmy: Ryan I can't say I love you, I am sorry; this isn't something I can do. I Love True, what we did together was just an accident nothing more. You don't love me either. I am sorry._

_A sob escaped Ryan's chest suddenly as he came to the end of the text. Jimmy had rejected him/ He should have known. He knew Jimmy didn't love him why would he have done this! He should have known he was setting himself up for this. Ryan sat in his car sobbing until tears could no longer fall from his face as he began to gasp for air. What was he supposed to do now? Go on with Lulu, learn to love her like he loved Jimmy? Was that even possible?_

Jimmy lay in his bed imagining Ryan lying next to him laughing together. He imagined Ryan's warm breath on his face. GAH. He couldn't keep Ryan out of his mind! He hadn't meant a work of that txt not one single word. And yet he had said it. It was over and done. And he didn't know how he was going to live with himself.

**Well Chapter two is done, three will come tomorrow or at least Friday IDK when depends on how many reviews I get. Hope you love this chapter! Goodbye!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I am trying to get in the habit of typing and posting everyday. It takes seven weeks to make a habit, so wish me luck! There's going to be a lot of angst in this chapter, probably because I am running on empty with my coffee. The song used is Sugar Rush By Cash Cash :)**

_Six weeks passed and Jimmy and Ryan hardly looked at each other when they had double dates or True and Lulu would be doing something and they were alone for an hour at a time, they'd play on their phones or read a book completely ignoring each other. This was hard on one individual. Jimmy._

Jimmy thought he could get over being alone. Well he wasn't alone he had True, and Lulu. He had his uncle Max; he had his parents occasionally when they'd come to visit. He wasn't alone but he felt alone. Without this feeling of at least having Ryan a little bit it felt like the whole world was going to burn, or he was anyway.

It was a Saturday and Jimmy found himself barricaded in his apartment. He had unhooked his phone and turned off his cell phone. He needed peace and quiet. That's all he needed today. He was having another hard time trying to get over Ryan and this was just one of the days he needed no one bothering him or speaking to him. He laid on his couch looking at the ceiling for most of the day only getting up to eat some ramen, drink some left over Tropicana orange juice and take a leak. This would have been boring to any other human being but Jimmy found it was a good time to think about things that were bothering him. He had even written a few letters to Ryan that he'd never send. He had burned most of them or crumpled up the rest. But right now one set on his coffee table and he stared at it as if it just burn up under his stare.

It began like this.

_Ryan, _

_Your probably hate me. You're probably so deeply in love with Lulu that even seeing me makes you sick. I would be sick if I was you, I know I would be. I took advantage you and then squashed you when you confided in me. The sickest part is I lied. I love you. Oh god I love you Ryan. I want to go back to our Ghost hunting, or our late nights of Halo. I don't care if you'd come to the mail room and disorganize all my mail. I just want to see you, smell you, touch you, and kiss you anything just to be with you Ryan. I am so sorry for what I did, if you don't want to be with me I understand I completely understand. But I don't know if I could live without you anymore. I love True, but not the way I love you Ryan. I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Even if I can't I'd be willing to trade the world for you. I know I sound ridiculous insane, no more then that I am completely irrational. You have turned my whole world upside down and inside out. I love you Ry, and I don't think I'll ever stop, you're my drug then now and forever._

_Desperately and completely in love,_

_Jimmy._

Jimmy took the letter and gripped it tearing it in half and tossed it in the waste can. He couldn't stand this insanity he was causing himself. He was confessing his love to someone he hardly knew. Sure Jimmy knew Ryan's favorite food was corn dogs with mustard. He knew that his favorite color was blue with a little bit of yellow splashed into it like a bee exploded. He knew that his favorite song was Sugar Rush by Cash Cash, he knew this stuff but he didn't know what made him cry, what made him afraid. Jimmy didn't know any of these things but he wanted to. He wanted to know all of it. Jimmy rustled his hair making it go everywhere in his frustration. He kicked the side of his wall making his CD player fall off the bookcase in the corner and it suddenly switched on. He smirked shaking his head as a song popped on.

_I took my time  
I never touched when you taste you tease me  
All night, sugar rush  
Just gimme a taste tonight  
Oh oh oh girl you're too much  
I'm burning up right now, and I need your touch  
Come on let's take a ride  
Crash and we'll collide  
Just give it a chance tonight_

He wanted to switch it off but he just rested his forehead on the wall listening to it as the past began to creep up on him again. He knew this song. Ryan had showed it to him randomly saying how it was the perfect song to make any girl fall for him. Well maybe it was the perfect song and it could possibly work both ways because as Ryan played the song all Jimmy could see was Ryan and it made him realize how he felt about him, he ignored it of course believing there was only True, that was up until that night were they kissed for the first time, then everything changed.

_So I can taste you on my tongue  
With your lips to kiss like the red hot sun  
You're one big sugar rush  
Suck me in, suck me in, hold me down till the very end_

_I hate the chase_  
_Just stop the clock cause you're so close now_  
_That I can taste, sugar rush_  
_Then up and go without a trace_  
_Oh oh oh you and your hoax_  
_You got me all lit up in your fireworks_  
_Come on we'll light the sky_  
_Smokes a shooting fly_  
_Let's give a chance tonight_

He wished that he had recognized his feelings earlier so he didn't feel so depressed now. Jimmy shifted off the wall walking toward the kitchen fumbling through the cupboards and refrigerator trying to find something to ear. He felt like he could eat the whole apartment. Is this how girls felt when guys made them cry their eyes out into ice cream or hours while watch some cheesy romance story. If it was, Jimmy was tempted to try it. Maybe it would help, girls were smarter then they looked. Look what True did to him, he's on a leash and is being pulled farther and farther away from the big juicy bone that is Ryan. Look now he's talking in metaphors.

_Hold me down till the very end_  
_Love, your sweet sweet love's making me_  
_Go off the wall  
Making me fly high  
Can't sleep, got a big crush  
I, I can't sleep need a sugar rush  
Love, your sweet sweet love's making me, go_

He slammed the fridge door shut reminding himself that he couldn't get fat on milk and pickles. He really needed to go grocery shopping before he ended up eating the scraps of bread laying in his mattress somewhere. He kept telling Ryan not to eat in his room, but no the guy had to go and play game boy and try and eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on Jimmy's bed of all places. Jimmy's mind faded back to that day and realized just how sexual that could have been. But then he didn't see his feelings like he did now. If things would be the same then as they were now maybe him and Ryan would be dating right now. Listening to this song while kissing each other and probably talking about the newest game in the halo series or maybe a new song that has come out that was based on some Led Zeppelin song. But that dream was obviously too far away. It wasn't even away it didn't even exist. Jimmy slammed his fist against a wall as the song ended and he began to cry.

_One big sugar rush  
Suck me in, suck me in, hold me down till the very end_

He sank to the floor banging his head on the wall repeatedly. What was he going to do? How was he going to forget? He couldn't forget. He loved Ryan. That was obvious now. He knew it with every part of his body that He loved the happy go lucky teddy bear. It was being so hard on him, he couldn't believe the heart ache he was feeling over this. If this is what girls went through when guys broke up with them then Jimmy regretted every breakup he had ever made because it hurt, even if he didn't break up with Ryan he might as well have. Now he wasn't sure what to do. True was beginning to want to do more things. Even if Jimmy liked her still he knew he couldn't do things with her, he would feel like he was cheating as absurd as that sounded. Every time he kissed her he felt like he was slowly stabbing Ryan over and over again with a knife.

Twenty minutes passed then thirty and Jimmy finally pulled himself off the floor. He pulled himself to the couch and grabbed his phone turning back it back and looking through his facebook. No he went to Ryan's facebook looking at pictures and old statues and messages they had corresponded with. Then Jimmy noticed something weird. Ryan's main picture was of him and Ryan not Lulu and Ryan. Jimmy sat up his eyebrows creasing. It wasn't a recent picture but it was still them together and Ryan was on facebook everyday. Jimmy pressed on the picture and it took him to the main screen where he could see Ryan and him were standing on the low wall outside the building where everyone worked. They were laughing and Ryan was hold Jimmy in his arms like a bride making a dorky two dollar grin. What Jimmy didn't understand was Ryan had just posted this picture about a few hours ago as his profile picture. Why would he have done that? It didn't make sense unless it meant something.

He thought back to that moment. True had taken the picture and Ryan had just randomly picked Jimmy up laughing and saying he'd bring his wife here one day but Jimmy would just have to be the substitute. Jimmy had thought Ryan was being completely ridiculous. Now that he thought about it the picture made him smile because now he wished he wasn't the substitute he wished he'd be that wife that Ryan had vowed he'd take there. He placed the phone down and rustled his hair again breathing out trying to bite back the sobs. He wasn't going to start crying again when he had just pulled himself together. He let himself get through the feeling of being sick and stood he was going to go lie down for a nap but his phone suddenly buzzed and he picked it up seeing it was True texting him.

_True: Hey babe whats the matter I have been trying to reach you all day._

_Jimmy: Sorry I have been really tired lately._

_True: Oh :( I am sorry! I am with Lulu right now, Ryan's with her…He says hi._

_Jimmy: Tell him I say Hi too..well it looks like I am brothering you so I should go probably._

_True: no no! wait ryan wants to talk to you._

_Ryan: hey did you see facebook ;)_

Jimmy blinked wondering what that meant, well he had seen the picture if that's what Ryan meant.

_Ryan: That's where we are right now…I still don't have my wife and I could really use my substitute._

He sighed lightly, Ryan was still going on about this Love you thing and he just wasn't going to give it up.

_Jimmy: Sorry Ryan you'll have to find another, ask Lulu, gtg go bye._

Jimmy turned off his phone not caring what happened then. He tossed the thing on the couch heading for bed. He just needed some sleep, that's all he really needed. He didn't know what he was going to do, but he couldn't be something for Ryan, not like this, Ryan diserved better. Jimmy would find a way to deal without him, he would he knew Ryan could recover he was good at bouncing back. Jimmy wasn't. He had to find his own way of bouncing back.

**REVIEW, I like this song…SUGAR RUSH :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello loves, This is my longest chapter yet…I should warn you, there's more and more angst as this goes along. Mostly coming from Jimmy. ENJOY :D Oh and a trigger warning, there is descriptive cutting in this chapter.**

_Ryan could take the rejection without even batting an eyelash, but he still worried about Jimmy He knew Jimmy wasn't having an easy time with True. Jimmy had know True his whole life and he knew how, lack of a better word, over-bearing she could be. So with as much skill as he could possibly used he slipped away from Lulu and True's little conversation by the stone wall and made his way to Jimmy's apartment._

He unlocked the door not bothering to knock. He stepped in seeing Jimmy wasn't in, either that or he was sleeping. He looked around seeing a orange carton laying on the coffee table along with Jimmy's phone wedged into the cushion of the couch. He walked around for a few moments trying to see if Jimmy was in. He snuck back to through the hallway and saw the bedroom door was cracked open.

Ryan carefully stuck his head in seeing that Jimmy was sleeping on top of the covers, his back toward the door. He didn't want to wake him so he turned back going out into the living room. He figured he might as well head back so he picked up the empty carton going to throw it out. A piece of paper caught his eye in the waste can. Curiosity got the best of him and he picked out the two pieces of white papers seeing there was writing on the both of them. He sat on the couch laying them out on the coffee table. His eyes grew wide as he read the whole thing together. This is what was really going through Jimmy's head? Then why was he hiding it all?

"What are you doing here?" A half awake voice made Ryan jump as he grabbed the papers trying to hide them. Jimmy stumbled out rubbing his eyes. He saw the papers and his eyes darted to the waste can and he groaned.

Ryan noticed this action and he placed the papers back down. "Jimmy is this how you feel about me?" He asked quietly as Jimmy came and sat by him their legs touching. There was silence for awhile and then Jimmy sighed deeply trying to force the tears that were just begging to come out.

"Yes." It wasn't much but Ryan could tell this had been affecting the older boy for a long time.

"Why did you lie to me?" Ryan didn't want to sound harsh seeing that Jimmy looked like he was about to fall apart.

"Because you should be with Lulu" Jimmy looked at Ryan from the corner of his eye."We are both guys Ryan, I know your parents I have seen your dads rants about gay pride."

Ryan had never thought about that, but as he sat there next to Jimmy he realized how hard a relationship between them would be. For one, True and Lulu would disown them, and his father would probably kick him out of the house or worse. His mother would probably cry and do whatever else his daddy said. "I never thought of that." Ryan replied sighing running his fingers through his mess of brown hair.

"I did. Lulu is perfect for you Ry." Jimmy said shaking his head. He felt a arm go around his shoulder and he turned his head as Ryan looked at him.

"We have to make it work, I can't see you like this, you've been cooped up all day to day. " Ryan leaned close using his other hand to tilt Jimmy's head as his lips grazed across his chin then his lips in one motion.

Jimmy shuttered his eyes closing automatically the feeling of bliss hitting him. This was just perfect; he wanted Ryan that's what was causing everything. Though with what little strength he had and whatever sense he had left he found himself pulling away after a few moments his eyes opening into watery pools."Ryan we can't."

Ryan sighed his hand dropping from Jimmy's chin and his arm lying lazily at his side."Why are you doing this? Who cares what everyone else thinks?" He really couldn't make rational sense of it all. His father was a large factor but he would never find out. True and Lulu would be hurt but they wouldn't reject them, somehow Ryan believed that.

"Because I am not good enough for you" Jimmy whispered as he picked up the paper crumpling it up and ripping it to shreds as it trickled to the ground at his feet.

"That's a lie. You're everything for me." Ryan protested. Jimmy just shook his head in response standing up."Jimmy." Ryan said grabbing the other's hand trying to stop him."Please we can make this work, dad never has to know."

Jimmy wanted to turn around and do what Ryan said he wanted to listen to those words and believe they were true, oh he really did. He knew he couldn't though; he would never be able to live with himself if he got Ryan hurt anymore then he was now. He just couldn't. "I am sorry Ryan" He took his hand away turning and walking into the hall his back to Ryan."You should go before Lulu and True wonder where you've gotten."

Ryan just watched the man he loved as he began walking deeper into the apartment. He stood looking at the door, there were two paths. There was the path back to lulu and True and there was the path to Jimmy. Which one was the evil path and which one was the good path is all up to you. Ryan clenched and unclenched his fists and turned down the hall. He wasn't going to just walk out without a fight. He wasn't losing Jimmy yet.

Jimmy stood in his bedroom tears falling down his face; he was waiting to hear the door close to his apartment before he broke out into sobs. He did hear a door close but his mind split as two arms wrapped around his waist as warm breath flowed across his neck. He closed his eyes as he felt Ryan begin kissing his neck slowly.

"I am not losing you." Ryan whispered turning Jimmy around, Jimmy's eyes was closed and he was crying."Jimmy.." He brought him close into a hug and he felt weak arms crawl up his back hugging him back. "I love you Jimmy." Ryan continued as Jimmy moved back slightly obviously still trying to fight his feelings."I am not going to lose you like this." Ryan voice rose as emotion filled him. He brought his hand up to the side of Jimmy's face as his other hand rested against his neck as he brought him into a kiss. It was a desperate move. Ryan didn't want Jimmy to keep pushing him away, not like this. He felt a gap open as Jimmy gave him wordless permission as he slipped his tongue through making the kiss even more desperate as Jimmy breathed out as his arms made their way up around to Ryan's running is fingers through his hair bringing him closer.

Time would have stopped if it could have, but time just goes on. Ryan began moving forward as Jimmy stepped back when the back of his legs hit the bed. He sat as Ryan pushed him down coming over him not breaking this kiss even for a moment. After a few moments Ryan broke this kiss but didn't move away pressing his forehead against Jimmy's just listening to him breathe. Jimmy's eyes opened staring into Ryan's. They were here again, just like before. It felt surreal, but now it was more dangerous and more serious than ever.

Ryan's hands dropped to Jimmy's hips. Jimmy felt his shirt being moved up and slipped over his head as Ryan began sucking on the side of his neck dropping the shirt to the floor. Jimmy's eyes closed again breathing out. This was really happening wasn't it? Wasn't this what he always wanted? He felt his stomach clench as his body began shaking. Ryan stopped feeling Jimmy's body begin to shake he looked to Jimmy's face and saw he had started crying again.

"Jimmy shhh hey.." Ryan brought Jimmy up into a hug cradling him as he moved lying against the bed post."Shhh its okay." He said softly into his ear. He could hear Jimmy choke on a sob trying to say something and he suddenly felt terrible. Look what he was doing to him. He had never intended to make him cry. He wasn't doing this right. He couldn't just sweep Jimmy off his feet with kisses and words of love he knew that.

Jimmy took in a big breath and began to speak in a shaky teary voice."I love you Ryan, I love you I love you…but I can't I don't know what's wrong with me." He said it like a confused three year old who was trying to choose between his favorite rocket and a piece of cake.

Ryan rested his chin on Jimmy's head his arms drawn tight around his waist."This is my fault." Ryan began to say but Jimmy shook his head resting his head against Ryan's chest."Yes it is stop defending me all the time."

"Is this…going to be goodbye?" Jimmy asked talking into Ryan's chest trying not to break into more tears. He felt Ryan's body heave as he felt soft tears fall onto his bare shoulder."Ry?"

Ryan's just started crying without even knowing why, but he knew why he just couldn't believe it. It was goodbye wasn't it? They both knew they couldn't make it work. Not like this, not with everything that was going on. He loved Jimmy but if this was what it did to him he couldn't keep hurting him."I guess it is." Ryan said softly. He felt Jimmy pull away and they looked at each other in silence. Ryan leaned forward kissing Jimmy's forehead tears rolling down his face as he moved off the bed. He hesitated at the door leaning on the door frame.

"I love you Ryan." Jimmy said softly bringing his knees up to his chest.

Ryan turned smiling through his tears."I love you too Jimmy." And he left. Jimmy sat there in silence for a long time before he moved off the bed. He sank to the floor bringing his shirt up to his face hiding his face in it. How was he supposed to go on like this? He knew his feelings now. He knew them but he couldn't allow Ryan to get hurt, Ryan's father was a horrible person when it came to things like this, and jimmy wouldn't risk it.

_A week went by, and everything just seemed to stop, true barely saw Jimmy with his little mail cart during the week. He had missed a Friday of taking her out and he always was turning his phone off. When she asked Ryan what was wrong he just shook his head and looked like he was about to cry. She didn't get it, why was Jimmy being so distant._

Jimmy stood in his bathroom looking at himself in the mirror. He had gotten a four o' clock shadow and it was even four. He sighed and picked up his razor and the cream and began shaving off the scruffy yard of hair on his face. He splashed water on his face repeatedly when he finished but he dropped his razor in the process and then thing clattered onto the sink then fell to the ground the razors popping out of the band. He knelt down picking one up looking at it turning it over in his hand. It was about half the size of his pinky the one side was dull silver and the other side was sharp metallic silver. He was going to have to buy a new razor now. He began picking up the others but somehow he dropped one and on its decent it fell across his arm cutting it. He made a motion of pain but blinked as it didn't really seem to hurt. He watched the small stream of blood bubble up onto his skin. He moved sitting on the floor looking at this little orb of blood now making its way down his arm like a small trail of water. The pain wasn't bad but it made his mind start processing the pain enough that he was distracted by it.

With his other hand he took up the razor that had cut him to begin with and looked at it. He had heard about self cutting before but never really thought anything of it. It didn't hurt that bad. He looked at his arm and then the razor. He would just make a few, small ones, just to see what it was like. His hand was shaking as he lowered the cold metal to the inside of his arm. He pressed lightly then a little harder as he pulled the blade across his skin. He gasped dropping the blade as he cut deeper then he intended. His arm seized up as he clenched his fist in pain. Blood pulled from the cut tricking down each side of his arm and onto the floor. He moved to the sink putting his arm under and turning on the water washing the blood away as the cut already began to seal itself. His mouth moved silently as he looked at the two cuts on his arm. They looked kind of beautiful, in a sick way. He looked at the other razors on the floor and back to his arm as the pain began to subside. He was so distracted by the pain it almost seemed like there was nothing else to think about. With one single movement he picked up a razor blade and turned it over in his fingers. This was his way back; this was how he was going to bounce back.

_True had been happy when Jimmy suddenly to be cheerful, but when she asked him about the long sleeved clothes he was wearing it seemed to get hostile and distant so she stopped asking and figured it was just his new thing. He was always doing weird things after all_

Jimmy was sorting mail in the mail room when he heard the door close. He turned to see Ryan standing there his eyes set hard. He wondered what could be the matter when a cold chill crawled up his back when Ryan came over shoving him against the wall ripping his sleeves up his arm.

"I knew it…" Ryan mumbled looking at the scars on Jimmy' two arms, most were scabbed over and looked to be healed others looked recent and one was still bleeding."Why..why would you do this to yourself?" Ryan looked up his eyes filling with tears.

Jimmy ripped his arms away pushing Ryan back."Don't tell me what to do!" He moved back to the mail he had been sorting as if Ryan wasn't even there.

"Jimmy you have to stop this before it get serious." Ryan grabbed Jimmy's wrist as the mailman tried to put a letter in a box. The wrist was quickly ripped away and he found himself holding his eye as Jimmy punched him.

"I said don't tell me what to do, and don't touch me!" Jimmy yelled shoving the letter in the box and pushing his mail cart out of the way as he gathered more mail to sort. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want Ryan worrying about this was Jimmy's problem not his.

Ryan stood there quietly holding his now throbbing eye. Jimmy had suddenly become hostile and Ryan didn't know how to react back to it, he had never seen Jimmy so emotional till now. He felt horrible that Jimmy had resorted to something like this. It was all because of him too. "Well if you can do it so can I." Jimmy stopped sorting his back muscles shifting under his shirt as he turned.

"No…Ryan…" His voice filled with his obvious depression."I'll stop..don't…" Jimmy stuttered he didn't want Ryan hurting himself too, this was his pain to deal with not Ryan's, it was all his.

"You promise me?" Ryan asked letting his hand fall from his face showing it was beginning to show signs of bruising. Jimmy moved his sleeves down covering his scars as his hand went to Ryan's eye as he kissed it very lightly pulling away.

"I promise alright." Jimmy turned back to his work hearing Ryan walk out. He moved a box then his hand taking the razor that was hidden under it as he placed it in his pocket. He was going to have to be more careful from now on. He would have to wait till he got home and then take care of the scars so that in case Ryan tried to check on him there'd be no evidence. He sighed lightly pushing his mail cart out into the hall beginning his route. He felt empty as he passed True's office seeing Lulu holding a piece of steak against Ryan's eye trying to ask what happened. Ryan's excuse was that he tripped into a door. But of course that was a like. Just like everything else in Jimmy's life.

**I hope you liked it, I feel so bad for Jimmy :( But there's more angst on the way! I am sorry I know I am horrible person…**


	5. Chapter 5

**I used the song Jamie All Over by Mayday Parade. This chapter just about made me cry, it really did! :(**

Ryan paced back and forth in his room, it had been month sense he had confronted Jimmy about the cutting. He knew he was still doing it, the way he acted at work avoiding getting close and picking up boxes in his hands instead of his arms. He knew, but there was no way to stop it. Not unless he did something to stop all of this. He breathed out and opened his bedroom door heading down the stairs. His father sat reading the newspapers the T.V blaring loud enough to wake the dead. His mother was scrubbing his father's work shoes soap covering her hands and arms.

Ryan stood in the middle of the living room staring at his feet before his mother finally noticed him."Oh Ryan sweetie what's wrong?" Ryan looked up his eyes pulling into tears. His father lowered his newspapers seeing this and moved turning off the T.V

"_Well_.." His father asked expecting Ryan to start talking. Ryan breathed out staring at the ceiling.

"Dad…I don't care what you think of me and…" Ryan paused looking his father in the eye."I love someone other then Lulu."

His father chuckled."Well son I had plenty of girls that I liked while I was dating your mother."

Ryan shook his head the tears rolling down his face as he clenched his fists tight his knuckles turning white."Dad its…it's not a girl."

His mother's face suddenly darkened but again his father laughed."Older women son? Well you lucky dog." His father commented as if he was proud.

"Hal I don't think…" Ryan's mother went quiet as her and Ryan exchanged silent words.

"Dad no that's not it either! Alright! I am in love with another guy! I love him and there's nothing you can do or say that will change it!" Ryan shouted biting his lips it quivered. His father's face fell and he carefully folded his newspaper the calmness beginning to leave him as he stood up. Ryan took a step back as his father came forward. Then he was down, his father had punched him straight in the face and now he was sprawled out on the ground as he was kicked in the stomach. He heard his mother scream but she stayed were she was tears pooling into her eyes.

"No! Son of mine is going to be a fucking queer!" His father yelled as he picked him up throwing him across the room."I will not have a gay for a son! I will beat it out of you if I have to!" His father roared as he charged him like a deadly bull.

Ryan cried out in fear as he scrambled to get out of the way but he was to slow as his father began pounding into him every fist hitting muscle, skin, bone and everywhere else. He cried as his father finally back away bruises were forming under his clothes on his chest and back as he looked up as blood blurred sight. He was bleeding his forehead from where his father had clobbered him with his shoe had landed a blow to his head.

"You're not gay." His father said sternly as he looked down disgusted at the lump of flesh he was looking at. "I knew coming to a place like this would mess with your mind! I am sending you to your uncles!"

Ryan's face contorted as he cried out."No! You can't do that to me! You can't tell me who I can and can't love!" Another blow landed somewhere and he bit back a yelp.

"Don't tell me what I can do! I am your father! I won't allow such filth to step one foot into my house! Its that jimmy kid isn't it? He used to come over all the time! To think I let him go up in your room for hours on end imagine what he could have been filling your mind with!"

Ryan suddenly got defense and shakily got to his feet nearly collapsing back to the ground."Shut the hell up! It wasn't Him! I loved him first! I kissed him first! " He heard his mother gasp and his father stood over him like a monster.

"I am sending you to your uncles and that's final! I will not except this!" His father shouted back grabbing something from the table next to him.

"Hal no!" Ryan's mom yelled as he saw a flash of black and he then fell to the ground unconscious. His father was a police man, and police men carried sticks of metal called a baton. He had been hit by one just then, and it had hit home.

Ryan woke in his bed his head spinning as he looked up into the ceiling. He could feel bandages wrapped around his head as he shifted up he could feel bandages wrapped around his chest as well. He sat up swinging his legs onto the floor. He blinked seeing his drawers had been raided and boxes sat all around his room as he the realization hit him. His father was forcing him to his uncles. Ryan scrambled to his feet hobbling for the door but it was locked, barricaded, there was no way out. He sank to his knees as tears began to all hot and fast down his face as he began banging on the door with his fists screaming. This couldn't happen he couldn't be taken away. It wasn't supposed to end like this.

His father was supposed to except his bravery for approaching him and then say he could love anyone he wanted. No instead he had beaten him to point of unconsciousness and now he was sending him away, away from Jimmy, away from his friends. Ryan laid his head against the door gasping for air as he sobbed. He moved to his bed stand grabbing for his phone through his tears he looked through his contacts until he found Jimmy's. He had to say goodbye he had to tell Jimmy. His fingers froze as he started texting. He couldn't tell Jimmy what happened, not with him cutting, he might do something awful to himself; Ryan couldn't let Jimmy do anything worse. He put the phone down staring at it through bloodshot eyes. He was being forced to leave the one he loved behind because he wasn't allowed to love them. Ryan rested his head on his knees sobbing until he felt like he could puke. He did puke grabbing his trash can, he felt so sick. He moved back to his bed lying down. He closed his eyes as his chest hitched as began crying dry sobs his stomach churning feeling like he had to throw up again.

He was going to be leaving Jimmy all alone. To deal with his sorrow, they'd never see each other again; he didn't even know where his uncle lived or what he did. He just knew there would be no way he could tell Jimmy what happened. It would kill him. Ryan covered his face with his arm as he heard a shout from downstairs. He had to be brave, he had to, and he couldn't let this get him. He'd figure it out, he'd runaway. He wouldn't let his father win. He loved Jimmy and that was final over done, nothing would ever change that. He shifted as he heard his door open and he looked up into the face of his mother her eye was black and blue and she smiled at him weakly as his father stood beside her.

"You'll be heading out today, your uncle has sent a plane. I'll be driving you to meet it. Get up and get dressed." His Father turned and stormed off. His meek little mother following the devil himself, but not before she kissed her son's forehead her body obviously in pain as she cried softly.

"I love you Ryan". She said as she kissed him and began leaving.

"I don't blame you."He replied and saw her break into tears completely as she ran out.

Ryan stood going to his dresser and pulling out some clothes a picture feel out of one of his pockets and he picked it up. It was the picture of him and Jimmy at the stone wall. He bit his lip controlling the wave emotions threatening to overtake him again as he stuffed the picture in a pocket of a shirt and stuffed the shirt into one of the packing boxes as he got dressed. Thirty minutes later he had decided on one thing.

He would find a way back, for the sake of Jimmy for his own personal sake. He couldn't live without Jimmy not now and not ever. He grabbed his bag that was apparently packed with clothes and headed down the steps and into his father's car. As he closed the door and watched his house roll away silent tears began to fall down his face as he sank into the seat thinking that his life was now over. He hoped that Jimmy would come to his house and find the letter he had hidden in the wall of his room, he really did, he needed Jimmy to know when he was gone so that Jimmy didn't try and kill his father or something. As rain began to fall and hit the metallic roof of the car Ryan's mind drifted as he took out his iPod and picked a song at random. He closed his eyes sinking farther into the seat as he breathed out. What was he going to do?

_I had a dream last night we  
Drove out to see Las Vegas  
We lost ourselves in the bright lights  
I wish you could have seen us  
_

Jimmy had been all but happy the past few days and he had finally gathered up the courage to go to Ryan's house. He had something he had to do and no one was going to stop him. When he arrived he found Ryan's mom and dad sitting on the porch talking what seemed like about Ryan.

"Excuse me." Jimmy came up putting on his best smile. Ryan's dad shifted giving him a stare that could make onions cry,

"You're the fag aren't you, the one who converted my son?" the words cut into Jimmy like a knife but his hands clenched as his eyes narrowed.

"Where's Ryan?" He didn't even deny what the father said, it was true he loved Ryan, not that he had done anything about it because he was a coward.

_Begging for change to get home  
Or at least San Francisco  
Let's put a ten on the high card  
And spend a summer on the west coast_

"He's gone to his uncles to be cured." The father replied spitefully standing up towering over Jimmy. Jimmy unclenched his fists his face falling in shock. Ryan was gone? NO! He couldn't be gone, not when Jimmy was going to fix everything make everything right! Not when he was going to bring Ryan into his arms and tell him everything was okay now. Tears pooled in his eyes as he stood bravely up to the man.

"You're lying!" He shouted shaking his head.

_Down and to the left  
(Here's a map and the pen, the place you pointed at)  
Be California's best  
(All I ask, all I ask)  
_  
The father stood there smirking as if all of this was amusing to him, Jimmy's pain was amusing! "Oh I am sorry were you planning on stealing my son away and making him one of your lovers?" The father continued pressing Jimmy's anger until the veins on his forehead began to make their entrance.

"You, bastard! How could you do this to him?" Jimmy yelled he pushed the father back and ran into the house nearly bashing the door down as he ran up the steps and burst into Ryan's room. It was cleaned out except for the bed springs and a few posters on the wall. Jimmy sank to his knees as the tears fell sinking into the floorboards.

_And please don't tell me that I'm dreaming  
When all I ever wanted was to dream another sunset with you  
If I roll over when it's over  
I'll take this Cali sunrise with me  
And wake up with the fondest memories  
_  
The father was storming up the steps and Jimmy stood scrambling around there had to be something here! Anything! He moved around until he saw a poster corner folded up he moved for it leaping over the bed as a paper fell out into his hand he stuffed it in his pocket as deadly arms grabbed him and soon he was thrown outside into the street.

"Keep your damn homosexuality out of my house!" The man yelled as Jimmy picked himself up off the road stumbling away. 

_We made love by the ocean  
As the waves crashed around you  
Sunsets never were so bright  
And the skies never so blue  
You opened up into my arms  
And we laughed as I held you  
I'll never go back to Georgia  
Not at least till I have to_

Jimmy somehow made it home slamming his door shut as he sank to the floor ripping the paper out of his pocket and began to read his tears wetting and smearing the ink from the pen_. _

_Down and to the left  
(Here's a map and the pen, the place you pointed at)  
Be California's best  
(All I ask, all I ask)_

There was a crude drawing of a map of America there was an arrow on New York with a hear around it and then a bee line trail around the whole state until it stretched across the expanse of the united states until it stopped in California where another heart was drawn.

_Dear Jimmy,_

_If your reading this then our hearts are already been torn clear apart and spread across the states , I don't know where my uncle lives but Ill meet you. I swear to god ill meet you where the trail ends. I will not forget you ever. I love you Jimmy, we will find each other, I swear. Just follow the trail Jimmy, it will lead you back to my heart. I love you._

_Ryan._

_And please don't tell me that I'm dreaming  
When all I ever wanted was to dream another sunset with you  
If I roll over when it's over  
I'll take this Cali sunrise with me  
And wake up with the fondest memories  
Memories_

I had a dream last night we  
Drove out to see Las Vegas  
We lost ourselves in the bright lights

Please don't tell me that I'm dreaming  
When all I ever wanted was to dream another sunset with you  
If I roll over when it's over  
I'll take this Cali sunrise with me  
And wake up with the fondest memories

We made love by the ocean  
As the waves crashed around you  
Sunsets never were so bright  
And the skies never so blue  
You opened up into my arms  
And we laughed as I held you  
I'll never go back to Georgia  
Not at least till I have to

Down and to the left

**Time will tell what happens next. You should listen to the song and see what it all means. Let's hope Jimmy and Ryan can be reunited. Love will find away. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Well I am back, I hope you have tissues nearby, let's have some fun shall we? (you are all going to hate me .) **

_He had to be brave. That was the word that ran through his head over and over again as he began packing his car with his belongings. Jimmy was going to find Ryan. He had no other choice but to find him and take him back. All he had left to do was tell True. God help him._

Jimmy drove himself to Mad Style running the scenario of how he was going to approach true through his head. He took a few breaths counting as he pressed his hand against the door and walking through her office. He was going to tell her he loved Ryan he was going to break up with her but try and not break her heart. That was his mission that's what he had to do. He knew though that things wouldn't be that simple. As he closed the door behind him as True turned away from her work table.

"Oh Jimmy I was just about to call you." She said cheerily but her smile fell seeing the serious face Jimmy had on. He had been distant for the past few days and she didn't know why. She had heard that Ryan had gone to spend time with his uncle but Jimmy and him never talked as best friends anymore so that couldn't be the problem.

"True.." Jimmy faltered holding his forehead in his hand. "True I love someone else." He began slowly playing what he had practiced in his head over and over till he found the right words. What was he suppose to do, he had never felt this way before he had never gone through something with this before. He was a mess!

True blinked her face already bunching up into a scowl."Who? I have been with you for months now? What girl could have possibly swept you off your feet?" Jimmy shook his head peeking through his fingers staring at her seriously.

"Its not a girl True." He said quietly closing his eyes as a wave emotions flooded his eyes and his feet and every part of his body. True watched him silently as he seem to shake as he was struggling just to be there.

"Its Ryan isn't it?" True shook her head going to Jimmy and pulling his hand away from his face cupping his chin with her other hand."How long?" She whispered her eyebrows furrowing as she felt the need to cry. She felt warm tears roll over her hand as Jimmy began to break down right in front of her. She had never seen this side of him before and it honestly scared her to death.

"Sense that day.."Jimmy choked opening his eyes his face covered with tears. He saw she was crying to and he sobbed more leaning his forehead to hers."I am sorry, I am sorry True." He felt her nod slightly as she cried.

"I knew" She had trouble speaking but she had to tell him."I knew you loved him." She shook her head back and forth as if she was scolding herself."I was so jealous I couldn't believe you were falling for Ryan, Ryan Lazerbeam of all people." She pulled away but still gripped his hand staring intensely at him."What's so much better about him then me?"

"True I can't an- She gripped his hand harder determined to keep him there until he told her. Jimmy sighed deeply bringing the back of his hand to her face."He makes my heart stop every time I kiss him, I feel like there's nothing else I need when he touches me, and when I am away from him I feel like I am choking on the very air around me." True's eyes widened as he spoke. She had never heard anyone say something like this before. Even her parents weren't all poetic and lovey dovey like this. _Jimmy really did love Ryan_.

"But Ryan went to his Uncles, how do you know he even loves you Jimmy?" She protested, she didn't want to lose him, she loved him. She felt his hand drop away from her as his eyes turned very scary. He looked at her so darkly she let him go backing up."Jimmy?"

"He loves me True. He was taken from me by his father." Jimmy took out the map and the letter and showed it to her. She scanned it from where she stood and she put her hand to her mouth shaking her head in disbelief. "I am going to get him." He said folding the paper then and shoving it back in his pocket as he turned to leave.

"Then I'll go with you!" It was her last attempt to convince him to lover her, to turn back and kiss her, to forget about Ryan. But he stopped resting a hand on the door frame.

"True we're done." And Jimmy walked out leaving True to stare after him as he got into his car and drove out of the Mad Style parking spots and onto the main road.

_Ryan arrived at his uncles 4 hours after his father shoved him onto the plane, bags, boxes and everything else that was in his room. The two days that he had already been there. He wished he was back in his father's wrath. There was one thing his father didn't know about his older brother. If he only knew now._

_Two Days Earlier._

Ryan stood in the large foyer of the estate his mouth dropping open. Even in his depression he couldn't believe his uncle was actually rich. His father had never been extremely wealthy so seeing all this wealth just in ONE hallway was enough to make Ryan feel almost sickly impressed. Some kind of butler took his bags as his uncle walked out dressed in loose clothes that looked a lot like expensive silk sweat pants and a cotton shirt. Which is exactly what it was. Ryan blinked thinking his uncle looked nothing like his father and he found it puzzling. The man was rather tall and had a very set face, in fact Ryan thought e looked like a brown haired George Clooney or something. His eyes were a very dark green which made Ryan think maybe he had gotten it from his grandmother because Ryan's father had brown eyes. The man smiled at him as he brought his arm around his shoulder.

"You've grown a lot sense I have seen you Ry." The man ruffled his hair like a little child as he laughed."Your father didn't tell me why you were coming, you probably hardly remember me…last time I was there you were only 2." The man stepped back offering a hand."Fabian.." He saw Ryan's look as he took his hand shaking it." I am your step uncle…that might explain some things…your grandfather had two wives in his lifetime-the man shifted slightly-, so why are you here?"

Ryan shifted letting go the man's warm hand."I…-his eyes welled up into to tears before he could stop it-Fabian blinked and took Ryan's hand pulling him along as the boy cried he lead him through the house till they reached a den and he shut the door behind him."D-don't worry about it…don't touch me." Ryan took his hand away. No one had touched him like that sense Lulu or Jimmy. He didn't want it not even from a relative.

Fabian's eyebrows furrowed and his hand slammed onto the door next to Ryan's head as Ryan's eyes snapped up to his, the uncle brought his other hand up under Ryan's chin as the child's eyes widened. "Let me guess. You have a male lover no?" Fabian asked as if it was a regular thing to ask a person. He saw Ryan's eyes fall to the side as he stepped back from his hand his back hitting the door.

"Don't touch me." Ryan mumbled. What was going on? This guy was his uncle. Why was he touching him like he was….Jimmy. His face was wrenched back to meet Fabians as he gripped it with his hand.

"Ryan I kept my sexuality a secret for a very long time." His uncle whispered lightly his lips coming uncomfortably close to Ryan's. Again Ryan was shaken with surprise. His Uncle was gay? Well that explained his advances. But why was he doing this to him? He was related to him, well not by blood, but..still Ryan didn't want this!

Ryan shoved at Fabian his hands flying up. His uncle stepped back a few feet but before Ryan could turn and run out the door the uncle pinned him face first. His face crushed into the wood the smell of cedar assaulting his nose. He felt his Uncles arms wrap around his waist as his mouth came against his ear.

"I haven't kissed anyone for a long time Ryan. I have been hiding because I never wanted anyone to know, but now that I know one of my own family members share my own sin." He took hold of Ryan's ear between his teeth as the boy gasped crying out.

"Stop, this is wrong! Y-you're my uncle." Ryan stuttered as he tried to move away but found that Fabian was a lot stronger then he looked. He heard a chuckle from behind him as a sickening feeling came over him as he felt a hand slip down the front his pants."No! Please stop!"

Fabian smirked and removed his hand as Ryan yelped. He turned the youth around holding his wrists above his head with his hand."I am going to have you." Fabian said lightly and leaned in crushing his lips onto Ryan's quivering ones. Ryan's head span as he felt his uncles warm tongue invade his mouth. He tasted the lingering of coffee and the harsh flavor of cinnamon. After so long of not having someone kiss him and hold him he hesitated as he let himself sink into the door as he felt the elder's body press up against his. He closed his eyes tears bleeding out from under his lids. After a few moments the uncle pulled his lips away watching Ryan's flustered face."Ryan do you want me? Do you want someone? Even I f it's just for a small while?"

Ryan didn't. But Fabian had found the chip in Ryan's shield. He had been neglected and beaten. Someone was touching him with warm hands and holding him tightly and protectively. He felt himself mouthing yes before he could stop himself. His uncle was taking advantage of his confused emotions and he hated him for it. How did he know if Jimmy would come? For all he knew Jimmy was happy that he was gone. Sure Jimmy had been cutting but, he wouldn't be if he really loved Ryan if he was coming after him. That's what Ryan needed and Jimmy hadn't provided it. If Jimmy really had wanted him he would have told True the first time to back off and that he loved him and…Ryan's thoughts scrambled as he felt the hand find its way under his shirt wrenching it up his stomach until he felt warm lips kiss his right nipple. He bit back a groan almost causing his lip to bleed. Is this what Jimmy had felt when they had..no! Ryan's eyes snapped open as his thrashed tearing his arms from his uncle's grip and pushing him back scrambling away.

"Stay away from me!" Ryan yelled at the top of his lungs breaking down into pathetic sobs as he fell to his knees. "You're no better than my father!" He sobbed and sobbed his face in his hands. He shuttered as warm arms wrapped around him pulling him into a foreign chest.

"I am sorry." Fabian rested his chin on the boys head."I shouldn't have done that. I guess I didn't know how to handle finding out someone was going down the same road as me." Ryan let his body relax slightly as he felt warm tears fall on the top of his head soaking into his hair. His uncle was crying with him. They shared the same kind of fear the same kind of hate. He closed his eyes breathing in the man's scent; he found that he liked the combination of cinnamon and coffee.

"Can you do something for me?" Ryan asked when the crying finally subsided and they sat there on the ground as his step uncle held him.

"Anything." Fabian replied gripping Ryan tighter.

"Can you take me to California, there's someone I need to meet." There was a silence that filled the room longer then Ryan wished but then he heard a light sigh.

"I will, but not before I make you fall for me." The step uncle said the chuckle tickling Ryan's cheek that rested against the man's chest.

"I wont."

"We'll see."

Ryan slept horribly the first night as he tossed and turned, images of Fabien doing lurid and dirty things to him poisoning his mind. He couldn't stand the thought of being in that mans arms, or his lips against him. He felt if he was with him long enough that he'd begin liking more than just the man's smell. He'd begin wanting his touch, his kiss, and his words. It scared him, and it really did keep him up most the night.

_One day earlier_

Ryan woke up to the smell of coffee and bacon. He rolled of the bed that Fabian had placed him in when he had fallen asleep on the couch watching re runs of LOST. He stumbled down the steps as is feet caught on the long pants he was wearing, Fabian's pants. The shirt he wore was a tighter and it didn't cause him to fear falling flat on his face. He didn't remember getting dressed in these clothes as he sat on the stool near the island. His face flushed as he realized Fabian must be the source. He glared holes into the man's back as he was working behind the counter pouring coffee and flipping bacon.

"I know your there" Ryan jumped at the response and blinked."You're so clumsy…although my pants are a bit long for you.

"H-how did I get into _your_ pants?' Ryan asked angrily thinking he had made it clear he didn't want the man touching him. Fabian turned a cup of coffee pressed to his lips as he sipped the black stuff. "answer me you pervert!" Ryan shouted the sound echoing throughout the house.

"When you fell asleep I took you up stairs and took your clothes off…-he paused sipping again seeing Ryan's eye twitching-you have a nice body by the way…your lover must have fun with you." Fabian turned placing the cup down.

Ryan just stared at this man in disbelief. This guy had undressed him, looked at his body and then redressed him in HIS clothes."What the hell is your problem! And….I don't have a lover…I don't know if he loves me."

The man chuckled again clearly amused."So? You two never kissed? He's never touched you?" He heard a disgruntled groan."Oh so you just haven't had sex with him then?"

Ryan felt his face grow hot as he looked at his hands that were on the counter. "We…weren't really together…I still have a girlfriend." Why was he telling this man everything? The guy who had purposely pinned him against a wall and molested him! _He's just like you._ The thought played like a broken record in Ryan's head and the more he analyzed the man the more he realized how true it was."What's your favorite color?" Ryan asked absently as a plate of bacon and eggs was sat in front of him.

"grey with patterns of black and white..like a zebra…weird I know." He rested his elbows on the counter holding his chin in his hands as he watched his step nephew stare back at him his face clearly displaying the mental battle within."Why?" The boy broke his gaze blushing quite profusely as he mumbled.

"Nothing…just wanted to ask a normal question." He stuffed his mouth with bacon annoyed that he was even speaking to the basterd, but he was his only ticket straight to California.

After breakfast Ryan took his dish to the sink and began the water determined to distract him by washing the dishes. Hands went around his waist as he almost broke a plate n half.

"I have a butler for that you know." Fabian lectured getting close to Ryan's ear. He felt the boy shutter in his arms."Unless you want to get wet" He purred lightly.

Ryan groaned shoving a plate under water as he turned pushing Fabian off."Would you quit that?" He ran his fingers through his hair looking distressed."What is your deal why do you want me? Why not your butler or some person you could buy it off of?' Fabian crossed his arms looking down on Ryan making the boy feel dwarfed in size.

"Buy what exactly? Oh-the uncle smirked-are you insinuating I was going to sleep with you?" He saw Ryan's face struggle to maintain its composure.

"No that's not what I meant! Forget it I am going to get to California by myself!" He stomped past Fabian trying to get out of the kitchen.

"You don't even know what state your in.." Fabian pointed out with annoying precision. Ryan stopped blinking. He really didn't know what state he was in. He hadn't paid that much attention on the flight or even when he got off, and he hadn't gotten to reading the news yet. _Shit_.

"I really hate you."

**So you like step uncle Fabian? Or is he a disaster waiting to happen? He is basically Ryan's grandfathers step son because Ryan's grandmother died and the grandfather married a younger woman who already was raising Fabian. Fabian Michael Lazerbeam, he's a OC of mine and I thought he'd be a nice add in. I need feedback though.**


	7. Chapter 7

_**M Rated Moment, this doesn't pertain too much to the main plotline so if you want to skip this chapter go right ahead. Although I'll mention Ryan and Fabian eventually get on the road too. This chapter might come back in as part of the Sequel I'll be writing. This is sort of a filler .' if that's what you want to call it. **_

_Ryan really did hate this man. He hated that he could make him feel warm, secure, and alive. Everything he wanted sense Jimmy and him had split up. This man, this step uncle, gave Ryan chills and made him act like he wouldn't normally. The scariest part was. Ryan was just like him.  
_

_8+ hours before Jimmy set out on the road after confronting True.  
_

Ryan was walking around the house exploring it with mild interest. He had called of his running away plan after checking a map and realizing there was no way in hell he could make it with his own wits. Not that he wasn't smart but he was very directionally challenged, he end up in Canada not California. He sighed as he passed a door not caring to open that particular one but stopped as he heard a sound. He back peddled placing his ear to the door curious as to what was going on.  
He heard a suppressed moan from the other side. His face flushed a deep pink as he could clearly hear his name beyond the cedar door. Ryan should have just walked away then but no he was an idiot. He carefully cracked open the door giving him enough sight to see half of the room. And what he saw caused his heart to leap into his throat. 

_Fabian lay on a couch his head bent back with one arm covering his face as his other hand ran along his hard member as he moaned Ryan's name his breathing hitching. He was partially naked with his button up shirt undone and his sweat pants pushed down below his hips. He began to sweat as he got thicker breathing heavily trying not to moan as loud as he apparently could.  
_

Ryan covered his mouth trying not to scream bloody murder as he watched this erotic display. No matter how much he hated it hearing his name like that made him feel, so, good. He leaned on the door frame continuing to watch transfixed. 

_Fabian moaned louder as he tried to picture Ryan with him, doing this to him. But it wasn't good enough. He moaned his name again wishing this wasn't his only option, but he couldn't force the kid, not like he was forced. Not like how he was mistreated, not like how his own brother had used him for his own personal reasons. He was about to give up when he felt something smoother over his own hand. He jolted his eyes flying open and his arm flying away from his face.  
_

_Ryan wasn't sure when his feet moved him. He knew that he wasn't supposed to step into the room. _

He knew normally he would have just walked past and let the man to his business. But with the built up feelings with Jimmy and the heart ache of him possibly not coming and after yesterday. His feet just moved on their own propelling him into the room. He moved to the couch wordlessly as his knee rested on the cushion he lowered his shaking hand over Fabian's. The man's eyes flew open as his arm uncovered is flushed face. 

"Ryan…." Fabian breathed out squirming uncomfortably looking to the side actually feeling embarrassed. He blinked and his gaze shot back to Ryan's as he felt his hand removed and something warm wrapped around his throbbing piece.  
"I am not doing this for you remember that." Ryan said angrily as he straddled Fabian's lower waist smoothing his hand over the familiar object. He heard Fabian choke out a moan as he tried to speak. 

"Why?" Was all Fabian could manage as his eyes went shut again as his back arched slightly. He felt Ryan's thumb smooth over his head and he moaned again his fingers digging into the couch."Damnit…" 

"Because I want to prove to myself that I don't feel anything for you." Ryan replied leaning up slightly to speak into Fabian's ear. Ryan lowered his lips to Fabian's heat. Fabian felt the warm breathe and his eyes opened again watching Ryan take him into his mouth. 

"Urgh…Ryan…wait" Fabian moaned again tried to get up. Ryan pulled up his tongue running over his lips and looked at him. "Don't do..this..if…you..i can't let you do this." Fabian continued resting his hand on Ryan's head running his fingers through his hair. "I…just can't" Ryan was surprised to feel tears drop on his forehead as the man under him began to shake. Then it struck him, why Fabian never came to visit, why he hadn't loved someone, why he was alone and why he was doing this now. His arms wrapped around the man's back pulling him close. 

"Someone hurt you….who ?" Ryan asked as the full grown man now sobbed in his shoulder obviously losing his composure. 

"It-Fabian choked on his own words- it was one of his friends, one of his friends paid my brother, your father, so he could rape me." Ryan eyes filled with tears. He never thought his father was that horrible. He couldn't believe his father would do that do his own brother, his own. His father didn't even know what it caused Fabian to do. This was unforgivable. Ryan found himself pulling his uncle into his arms and sighing wondering what e had been thinking. There he went being irrational again, he was more like this guy then he thought.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"They wouldn't have believed me, they would have claimed I was gay and was too afraid to live up to it."

Ryan could see how his uncle got that impression. His father was one of the sleaziest of all the family members. He was also a hypocrite, not that his father was gay or anything but letting one o his friends use his own brother as a play thing wasn't even the least bit excusable. His whole family seem to be plagued with homophobia he had seen it sense he was a little boy. To think his one and only family member who he wasn't even technically related to was gay much like he was, but Ryan kind of believed he was bisexual after all he still liked girls. Finally Fabian pulled back fixing his clothes and looking of to the side obviously not comfortable with looking Ryan in the eye.

"I'll take you to California." Fabian said softly."I won't let you become a lonely old bachelor like me."

"You know if you just tried I am sure you'd have men all over you." Ryan pointed out making the man laugh as he finally looked him in the eyes."I am serious; you're like…a sexier version of George Clooney. I'd drop the molester personality though." They both started laughing then not able to help how funny that entire sentence sounded. "By the way, my favorite color is blue with splotches of yellow like a bee exploded." Fabian smiled as if Ryan had said the magic word.

"We are just alike."

'I know, where have you been all my life?"

"Hiding under a rock embossed with silver, and then you decided to kick it over."

"I prefer to say sledge hammered it." They laughed again as Fabian stood looking at his new friend with fascination.

"Want to go out for a smoothie?"

"Only if they have banana blueberry"

"My favorite" Fabian offered his hand and Ryan took it standing up as he thought that maybe he'd found one family member he could actually rely on. He thought maybe things could truly get better from here, Jimmy would come, they'd be able to live a normal life, and everything would be perfect.

**Well that was my filler type chapter, but it did have a purpose, it explained what Ryan was doing while jimmy was packing for California and stuff, so I guess it kind of clears everything up when it comes to that. How many of you want me to do a story on my OC Fabian? **


	8. Chapter 8

_Jimmy had been traveling four straight hours when he had to finally stop for gas. He pulled into the station and filled p his car as quickly as he could then he went inside to pay(He hated using a credit card) he picked up some slim jims and a bottom of 5 hour energy. Soon he was back on the road his eyes already making him look more like a raccoon or maybe a panda, he needed some sleep before he crashed his car or something._

_Present Day._

Ryan sighed as his uncle and the butler took bags from the house and packed it in his uncles Mercedes Benz. This guy seriously knew how to live. And now that man was driving him to California. He said that flying would be too quick and when Ryan got there right away he'd turn into a jittery mess of nerves waiting for his Romeo to come get him. Jimmy probably had thought the same thing his uncle added in. This of course didn't stop Ryan from getting excited and trying to help pack but his uncle, or Fabian as he had learned to call him had simply brushed him aside saying he was being a nuisance.

An hour past and finally everything was packed and ready to go. Ryan stood in the driveway in silk pajama pants and some random shirt that somehow matched in some strange way. He still wasn't comfortable being in Fabian's clothes but he hadn't unpacked any of his junk yet so he had no real choice.

Fabian stood at the front door way watching the child. "Ryan get in here we aren't going yet!" He yelled seeing the kid jolt and turn coming in.

"Sorry I am just really excited." Ryan admitted feeling dumb as Fabian just laughed at him.

"You're acting like a three year old." Fabian shook his head and turned heading into the kitchen getting down a coffee cup and a few dozen creamers that had different flavors. He scanned ad few wondering what flavor to choose this time. He felt arms wrap around his hips fingers splaying across his stomach.

"Pick cinnamon." Ryan said peeking around his uncle as he played with his shirt.

"A very clingy three year old" Fabian added picking up the cinnamon flavoring making sure to use a healthy amount.

"Two days ago you would have loved this." Ryan commented.

"Two days ago you almost locked yourself in your room." Fabian shot back taking up his coffee cup not able to move with Ryan's constricting arms.

"I should have…you undressed me; I still haven't forgiven you for that."

"Says the one that's hand is slowly making its way down my pants." Fabian teased back as Ryan hand moved back up abruptly."Nice try."

"Why aren't you being a perv anymore? Do you have double personalities?" Ryan bemused as he clung to the man as he walked out of the kitchen.

"First of all, why have we switched roles is a good question. Second, because obviously you really do love this guy, whoever he is." Fabian removed Ryan's hands from around him turning around. "Third…I simply can't handle you touching me you seducer."

"Oh so –Ryan pokes Fabian in the stomach- that drives you crazy?"

"Cute…you know what I mean." He rolled his eyes putting the cup down sitting on the counter."Alright the butler will go fill up the car, we'll eat and then we will be on our way." He felt hands on his shoulders that began to massage his old muscles."Ryaaaan, don't please."

"I am not touching you sexually all I am doing is massaging your shoulders."

"Your just like a woman you know that." Fabian groaned feeling knots untangle in his back.

"You mean I am always right?" Fabian didn't even have to look to know that the boy was smirking. In three days he had fallen for the kid and it bothered the hell out of him. If Ryan kept this up he wasn't sure how well he could keep himself from pouncing on him like he did the first day.

"No I mean, you don't listen, ever.." Fabian paused."Your really good at this..mmm-He rolled his shoulders as Ryan's hands moved lower, he laid on his arms as he leaned on the counter.

"Mom use to do this for me when I played some stupid sport called football." Ryan must dislike football quite a bit thought Fabian as the boy tweaked a muscle causing it to untangle.

"I take it you hate football"

"I was water boy and THE PRACTICING DUMMY." Ryan emphasized the last part rather loudly causing Fabian's ears to figuratively bleed. Ryan hand's moved lower to Fabian's hip muscles which had a lot more muscle then Ryan was use to."What the hell do you do for a living?" He heard a chuckle as an answer."I mean your ripped, everywhere!"

"I use to be a break dancer, now I just work out a lot."

"Wait so you can like break dance?"_(if you have seen Step Up or Step Up 2, that's defiantly what I mean __ )_Again he received a chuckle as an answer. His hands rested on Fabian's hips squeezing them causing Fabian to flinch.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Don't answer me with chuckles I am being serious here." Ryan removed his hands and sat on a stood next to his uncle. Fabian looked at him smirking and got off his own stood standing in front of him. Ryan mouth fell open in half shock as Fabian kicked up into a one handed hand stand his shirt slipping down showing a toned mid section."Okay forget George Clooney…make it Will Smith" The man twisted kicking back up so he was standing again.

"Will Smith? I am not that dark….but then, he is pretty hot…" Fabian laughed sitting back on the stool leaning his back on the counter.

"So how'd you get all this money of yours?'

"Your grandfather left all his money to me instead of Hal, err, my brother." Fabian said simply. Ryan thought maybe he was right to do this, his father would have spent it on boo s and lung cancer causing cigarettes. The sound of a car pulling made Ryan smile as the butler walked in with a bag of Chinese food and the car keys to the Mercedes.

"Don't eat too fast; I don't want you throwing up on my vinyl seats." Fabian complained a he rolled his eyes watching Ryan tear into his food ready to get going.

**Sorry one last filler chapter, I PROMISE . This is the last one I SWEAR. .**


	9. Chapter 9

**YA I have more visitors; you know if you people don't start reviewing I am going to stop writing. ****and then there will be no more Jimmy/Ryan. What a sad thought.**

_Jimmy sighed as he pulled into a gas station adjusting his mirror as a really nice car passed him. He watched it through his side mirror wishing he could afford a Mercedes, but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. It would be more likely he'd end up with some kind of Toyota or worse a Ford. He got into the parking lot getting out of the car and heading in. All he needed was water, a few dozen packs of slim Jims and a restroom. He got all his food and water first and left it on the counter as he went to the bathroom. He choose a random stall figuring it didn't really matter and went in, as he turned his eyes widened into saucers as he saw black writing on the stall door. _

_I am on my way Jimmy, are you following?_

_Ryan._

_It didn't even matter anymore, Jimmy tore out of the restroom and past the counter and outside his eyes darting around. Ryan had been there; that writing was recent the smell of sharpie was now recognizable as it lingered in his nose. Ryan had to have left recently; he was with his uncle he had to be. Jimmy was so close, how could he have missed him? He turned slightly going back to get his stuff, he felt miserable all the sudden, if he hadn't had gotten stuck in traffic, if he hadn't had let that old lady swerve in front of him…it wouldn't have changed anything he would have still missed him. Jimmy was becoming paranoid, how was he supposed to know if it was that Ryan? Well of course it was what the likely hood there is two of them. He just had to calm down; Ryan was on the road at least he knew that for sure now. Now he could breathe even for just a moment a sigh of relief. _

Ryan had been just at the gas station and now he was sulking in the back seat as his uncle drove on.

"We should have waited a bit longer." Ryan complained thinking he missed his chance to see Jimmy and finally run away with him.

"Do you know how lucky you would be to meet up in the same gas station let alone have him see that message" Fabian looked at Ryan through the rear view mirror his lips piercing seeing how depressed the child looked.

"What if he doesn't come….?" Ryan asked solemnly looking up and making eye contact through the mirror.

"He will, if he loves you he will" Fabian comforted feeling sorry that there wasn't much he could do.

"And if he doesn't?'

"Then I'll break his neck." Fabian announced very protectively."I won't allow someone to break your heart." They drove continually until finally it was beginning to dark for either of them to see. Fabian swerved into a motel 8 figuring this would be a good place to catch a few winks.

The room was a basic two bed room with a T.V and mini fridge, nothing fancy compared to Fabian's house or even vacation home which happened to be In California.

Ryan collapsed on the bed into the fetal position looking at the wall. He felt pressure on the bed as someone sat down and he let out a sigh.

"Getting depressed won't make things go any faster.' Fabian said running a hand over Ryan's side and up to his head combing his brown hair through his fingers, he had once felt this way too but he still felt bad about the kid.

"I know that, but I have nothing to distract me from thinking about him." Ryan mumbled turning to look at the man he had grown to admire. He didn't think he could have gone from hating him to somehow loving this guy in such a short time but he had and it was because they were so much alike and shared the same problems and hurts it was just that Fabian had experienced a lot more.

"Well…we could find something." Fabian suggested looking at the ceiling trying to think of something practical. He felt Ryan moved and arms wrap around his waist dragging him back."Ryan that's not what I meant." He stuttered as the arms moved to his lower waist hands resting on his thighs.

"Well you never said no." Ryan retorted. He figured teasing his uncle was a very entertaining pass time.

"Ryan you've got to stop tempting me, it's going to drive me insane. " Fabian mumbled as he was brought into Ryan's lap."Seriously I am older then you I should be the one doing this not the other way around."

"Ah, but Fabian...why can't we? Can't we just have a little fun?" Ryan whispered lightly into the man's ear. His uncle shuttered in his arms as he was obviously fighting the urge to join Ryan's little game.

"I know you're in love with someone, whether you recognize it right now or not."

"Ever here of "Friends with Benefits"?" Ryan commented his hand moving to unhook Fabian's belt, but a hand stopped him from doing so.

"Ryan…" Fabian groaned."Why do you have to do this?" He moved trying to remove Ryan's hand from his legs but finding it extremely difficult because of how he was sitting.

"Your mouth-watering that's why Fabian" Ryan bit Fabian's ear milling his teeth over it like a comb.

"Oh so I am a piece of food now?' Fabian grunted feeling the unusual feeling of Ryan nibbling his ear. "Your extremely sex deprived you know that?" Fabian commented as he rolled his eyes trying to pull away but finding himself at a very large disadvantage. He was abruptly shifted his body laid onto the bed back first as Ryan's one arm wrapped around his back and his other held his arms over his head."Hey! What do you think you're doing?"

"Just testing you is all" Ryan replied.

"Let me up Ryan, seriously I am not going to do anything with you I am not going to be the cause of you falling out of love with this guy." He glared up at the younger determined not to break.

"Would you really say that if I was naked or something" Ryan asked smirking.

"T-t-that's a totally different scenario!" Fabian spurted his face flushing. "I am not going to sleep with you okay! Get it through your big teenage head!"

"Mm…okay." Ryan pulled back his hand s going for his shirt and slipping it over his head letting it fall to the floor as he moved Fabian scooted back till his back hit the wall.

"Ryan what did I sa-Ryan kissed him before he could finish the sentence and his eyes fluttered shut he kissed him lightly but felt Ryan's tongue asking for access and he cautiously obliged feeling his mouth being explored he relaxed settling against the wall as he felt Ryan's hands mess with his short hair and his neck. Then his brain finally began functioning and his eyes snapped back open as he used his hands to shove Ryan back wiping his mouth.

"Okay I am sleeping in the bath tub I said stop!" Fabian was flustered as he scrambled off the bed.

"Oh come on don't pretend you weren't just into that." Ryan complained already bored and laying back down staring at the ceiling.

"That's not the point!" Fabian continued."You can't just go making out with everyone because your depressed, stupid things happen when you sleep around to try and solve your problems."

"I am guessing you did that then?' Ryan inquired looking at his uncle for an explanation for the lecture.

"Yes..I did." Fabian admitted lightly."That's why its hard for me to keep resisting you, if it would have been anyone else I would have been the one pinning you to the bed, but I am better then that now." Ryan nodded slowly turning back to look at the white washed ceiling .

"Alright I'll leave you alone if that's what you want."

"Not Ry..it's not that it's just…don't confuse _this _with love."

"I am not, I just need something to get my mind off of Jimmy, he's probably not even coming my dad probably scared him off. " He felt a presence again and he sighed as his uncle laid next to him.

"He is coming Ryan, you got to keep believing that. After what you've told me these past two days, he really does love you."

"Whatever you say.." Ryan replied moodily.


	10. Chapter 10

_If it wasn't for the obvious reasons, and maybe the not so obvious reasons Ryan might have forgotten Jimmy and have just stayed with Fabian, it would have been so much easier and what if Jimmy really didn't come? Then what? _

"Would you stop doing that?" Fabian complained as Ryan began to toss a make shift paper ball at the wall that would then bounce back into the trash can, making a slightly clanging sound.

"When can we get out of this motel?" Ryan asked taking the paper ball out of the trash can.

"Oh in about an hour I am still reading this damn map." Fabian commented looking at the wide spread map of America on his bed opposite to Ryan's. "I am…slightly horrible with maps" He admitted and received a groan as an answer. "Well at least we have a car, and food….and money for that matter." He felt the pressure of the bed shift and he rolled his eyes has he felt warm breath on his ear.

"How rich are you?" Ryan asked a he leaned his chin on his uncle's shoulder reading the map.

"Rich enough to have my own bunny mansion" Fabian laughed as Ryan pulled away cocking an eyebrow at him "Full of men of course."

"Ah what kind of men' "Ryan asked inquiring what Fabian's type is.

"That's none of your business." He protested looking back at his map totally ignoring Ryan and drawing circles and figures around roads and highways. He felt arms wrap around his waist and hands move up along his arms to his own stopping his drawing process.

"Tell me." Ryan whined.

"Fine…-Fabian sighed as he moved looking over his shoulder lightly."Maybe the tall thin and handsome ones you always see prancing around the screen on teen chick movies." He saw a smile break onto Ryan's face and he realized that fit Ryan's description as he felt the hands moved back along his arms dragging his hands with them as they were placed on his stomach.

"Is that so?"

"That's not an invitation!" Fabian announced in a hushed shout of alarm."I am trying to figure out this map don't distract me with your constant harassment." He heard a chuckle and his lips pierced as the hands moved from his one slipping under the hem of his jeans."I am serious." He mumbled more to himself then Ryan.

"You don't sound very serious." Ryan commented feeling the man shake like always. He felt the man shift looking at him over his shoulder."Come on, it can't hurt."

**Here comes my favorite part of FANFICTION, the FAN"S decision, what should happen? I know this is short but your guy's decision will change the course of the story! This is the 10****th**** CHAPTER, are you ready to change someone's fate? Having someone's life on the line? ARE YOU READY to change the future as Ryan, Fabian and Jimmy know it? MAKE A CHOICE! I want suggestions! :D**


	11. Chapter 11

**Due to an alarming, well not alarming, but due to the reviews I have received I have formulated what chapter ten will be like, please don't hate me for anything I really don't want to die, so I hope you like the tenth freaking chapter! :D HOORAY.**

Fabian sighed and leaned back into Ryan's chest breathing out. "Alright." He said softly.

"Really?' Ryan breath caught, as he felt Fabian shift pushing him down onto the bed. He blinked looking up at him. Was this really going to happen? After all that had happened and everything he had waited for it was finally happening. He felt Fabian's hand reach out of his view as he got close his breath running over his face. Ryan leaned up to close the gap but instead he got a face full of white as a pillow smacked into his face and he was thrown off the bed. "What the hell!' he looked up from the ground to see Fabian holding a pillow smirking down at him.

"Don't make me hit you again." Fabian threatened throwing the pillow off the bed and onto Ryan. He went back to sitting with the map but didn't have much of a chance as he was thrown of the bed as a pillow hit him in the head. He glared as Ryan stood clutching a pillow laughing his head off. "Oh now you're asking for it." He scrambled to his feet grabbing one of the other pillows and jumped over the opposing bed tackling Ryan to the ground. Ryan was still laughing and threw his pillow up a as a shield as he was brought to the ground Fabian on top of him.

"No fair!" Ryan screeched as Fabian began to laugh his concentration disintegrating. His uncle fell off him to the side his entire body shaking as he laughed. Ryan sat up smashing the pillow into Fabian's face. "You're such a jerk." Ryan whined as Fabian pushed the pillow off just lying there looking at him.

"Oh and you're not?" Fabian made a weak attempt to hit Ryan in the shoulder with his pillow but he was still recovering from his laughter and failed at even hitting him. "I am trying to knock some sense into you!"

"Well you accomplished knocking something into me." Ryan rubbed his face where he had been hit the first time."You had me going."

"I know I did see that's the beauty of me." Fabian boasted smirking as he did so. Ryan rolled his eyes shifting messing with the pillow in his hands."Listen-Fabian sat up setting his hand on Ryan's who looked at him- it's not that I don't want…to..i just ca-

"I know I know I get it." Ryan interrupted pushing Fabian's hand off and balancing the pillow in his head as he laughed. "You don't have to tell me anymore." He sighed as Fabian leaned into and very carefully kissing him on the cheek.

"I am glad." Fabian whispered. The sound of the door opening didn't reach either's ear until it was too late. Ryan's head snapped toward the direction and his heart dropped to the pits of his stomach. The dread and happiness mix together making him sick as his eyes focused on only one person standing in the doorway keys dropping from their hand as they backed out.

"Ryan?" His voice, god Ryan couldn't remember now how long he had wanted to hear it, but not now this was the wrong time, this wasn't how it was suppose to happen. Fabian looked at his nephews face and then to the man who was standing in the doorway. The connection clicked and he stood to his feet.

"Your Jimmy right?" Fabian asked holding out a hand as the man continued to make his trek backward. "Listen this is a…misunderstanding" Fabian tried to explain but he could see the tears springing to the boys eyes. Then the boy turned stumbling out into a awkward run."Damnit!" Fabian tore out of the room chasing after the kid to the lobby and grabbing onto his wrist only to have the kid spin around and clock him in the face.

"How dare you!" Jimmy yelled as people seem to gather. The man now holding his wrist stumbled holding his damaged eye with his other hand as he bit back the urge to probably punch him back. The man yanked him back toward the hall and toward the room he had just come from he was mumbling something like just come with me. Jimmy didn't' want to follow he could see what was going on, Ryan had found someone else or at least found a new way to entertain himself.

"I am his step uncle." Fabian finally blurted out which made the young man, jimmy stop turning to look at him with confused eyes. "Just come back with me, and let me….us explain okay?" It seemed the kid was reluctant but he let Fabian lead him back closing the door.

Jimmy sank down on the bed seeing Ryan crying on the opposite one. He watched him his eyes full of different emotions as the uncle sat next to him. "You've got ten minutes." Jimmy said angrily glaring at the man.

"That's not a lot of time…." Fabian said but he sighed seeing the boy was completely serious."Alright alright…I am Fabian, Ryan's step uncle…and…some things happened that I am mostly to blame for."

"What kind of things?' He could see the boys eyes waver as he was searching through the list.

"I didn't sleep with him Jimmy." Ryan said through his hands as he sobbed looking up and finally making eye contact. He could see Jimmy's eyes fill with some relief.

Fabian rested a hand on Jimmy's shoulder and began to explain what happened and why and what had occurred. He didn't know if Jimmy would fully believe him but he thought he'd at least try. After more than ten minutes went by he could see the young teenager begin to relax slightly.

"But why Ryan? Why would you….do this?' Jimmy finally asked his eyes shifting to the boy he thought he would chase to the end of the earth for.

"Because I didn't think you loved me anymore, how was I suppose to know if you'd come?" Ryan replied coming over and sitting by him as Fabian moved away. "I thought my life was over…i…I am sorry Jim- Ryan was silenced as Jimmy kissed him with a desperate murmur –

"I forgive you, I know I should be mad, but..Now…you're here and I am here and we are both together and that's all that matters." Jimmy cried as he felt Ryan leaned into him beginning to cry again."I am sorry I pushed you away, this is my fault too." They embraced sobbing into each other's shoulders not able to believe they could finally see each other again. Fabian stood by smiling but inside his whole body was trying to crack his shell he had really fallen in love with his nephew and now he was going to lose him to this, kid. It was for the best but still Fabian didn't know how he'd recover it was so strange to think that he would no longer have his little double hanging on him. He blinked as he discovered the two staring at him.

"What?" He asked not comfortable with the two pair of eyes focused on him now.

"Thank you for taking care of him." Jimmy said smiling. Ryan's head rested on Jimmy's shoulder as he nodded in agreement.

"You don't have to thank me." Fabian replied shaking his head trying to keep himself in check. He shifted and sighed." The map is marked Jimmy I have a vacation home in California go ahead and get there if you want to..you still have a couple hours before check out." Fabian turned picking up a few of his things."I guess this is where we part ways Ryan."

Ryan stood leaving Jimmy for a few moments forcing Fabian into a hug as the man tried to get distant."I won't forget you Fabian." He felt his arm come up into a hug but it fell away quickly after.

'I won't forget you either Ry." Fabian replied turning with his stuff in toe. He made a weak wave as he walked out closing the door behind him. Ryan turned looking at Jimmy still trying to believe it wasn't a dream.

"He loves you, you know." Jimmy said quietly. Ryan nodded he already knew that, he knew that. But he loved Jimmy so he wasn't sure how to react. Jimmy leaned forward playing with Ryan's hand."It's alright, don't feel bad.' He tried to comfort him but he knew Ryan wasn't going to have an easy time just forgetting his uncle just like that. So maybe he'd have to help. He brought Ryan back to him pulling his hand as Ryan stumbled into his lap."But I love you more." He whispered and smiled as Ryan turned looking at him."I missed you."

"I missed you too." Ryan replied lightly nuzzling his face into Jimmy's neck."Don't ever leave me again." He said lightly and he felt Ryan nod in agreement.


	12. Announcement

Alright this is when I come to a conclusion to start another fanfiction alone with my most popular one that is still being written, which happens to be What A Beautiful Night m a r e, with Joker and Batman, check it out if you haven't read it yet. Anyhow, for this new fanfiction, I have been having a tough time deciding what I want to do. So I am going to give you guys some options to choose from and that's what I'll write, you guys are already quite aware of my writing skills so I am asking you to either pick your favorite book, movie, pairing ect or just choose the one that I can write best and make most…complicated? That's not the right word but it works for now, anyway, here are some of the things you can choose from.

Inception-Cobb/Arthur

Shutter Island-Teddy/Chuck(because I like those names better)

Brokeback Moutain(revamped)-This means basically I am taking this story and making it my own, but it has the same plot, but the genre and setting might be totally different.

Pirates of the Caribbean- Will/Jack(yea…I know, don't say anything)

Jumper –(do I even have to say it?)David/Griff

My Soul To Take-(obvious)

(Your suggestion here)- This is a freebie if you don't like any of the other choices given.

Alright people, this is my challenge, tell me what I am writing, and hey even give me an idea what I should do. Here are the genres I am best at.

Suspense

Comedy

Psychological

Romantic/Heroism

So really what your doing is picking a fanfiction option from the first list, and then maybe mixing and matching genres, and some of your own, if you come up with anyones that are better. The one I pick will be have the reviews name feature in the first chapter and will also have a chance to insert a OC and get a special exert before anyone else gets to read the fanfiction. Well, it's up to you my faithful fans, oh what shall I do, it's only a guess, savvy?


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